My musical identity

Picture of me as a baby (maybe toddler), mashing my tiny, chonky baby hands across the keys on our family piano, smiling at the camera

I grew up surrounded by music. I started piano at an early age, learned to play guitar, and sang in church. I remember in my piano lessons, I would play my teacher the music as it was written, then play her my more, spicy version! That was beginning of my journey to find my unique identity as a musician and artist.

Back then, I thought music was the path for me (and maybe it still is)! I was a voice major for a hot second in college, where I quickly started feeling as if I didn’t this classical program full of opera-hopefuls. They said I was a “pop” singer… well, I prefer R&B if I must be bucketed somewhere, but you know, who doesn’t want to be Beyoncé?! So I changed my major to art education.

Despite continuing university on a different path, eventually graduating with my bachelors of science in design, I continued to have moments where I would attempt to reignite the the musician in me. In 2014, I saw Ed Sheeran in concert at the Hollywood Bowl. I anxiously waited for him to play I See Fire, a song I was immediately mesmerized by when I saw The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. He proceeded to build up and play the whole song on a loop pedal. In awe, I wondered how I might create that without the necessary equipment. So, back in my Instagram days, I made this.

I See Fire, but on a budget:

Video of me using a collage app to play different guitar parts to Ed Sheeran’s, I See Fire

We had a piano (pictured above in the first image) growing up, an upright Young Chang that I had donated to a church before leaving from Phoenix to Seattle. At that time I couldn’t afford the money or space to take it with me. So then fast-forward, I moved to Denver and I was looking for a piano, as I felt that part of my life leaving a huge hole in, well—me. I was a little more grown and had a little more money and a little more space. I had posted to Facebook, asking what I should be investigating or looking for in a used piano. My aunt, who lives back in Arizona, responded, “Well honey you can just have ours. You were the only one who ever played it.”

What a gift, right?! So I just had to figure out how to get it to Denver, and I did. I now had a Weber (made by Young Chang) baby grand piano in my apartment. And it all just suddenly felt really special and deeply-rooted or me—really right. Young Chang is a Korean piano manufacturer. I am half Korean, born in Korea, and adopted from there. Identity is a tough/big/nuanced/complicated topic for me. Being adopted, there’s a lot that feels “lost” when it comes to my heritage. So things like this, where the brand might seem so trivial to some, are a really big deal to me–to have something that came from where I did. So when I play, I feel a sense of connection to a home I’ve never known, and a layered whirlwind of emotions when I play.

Spicy piano song that sorta sounds like something from Zorro:

Video of me playing a “spicy” version of a song I used to play in piano lessons as child.